Memories
by Eryniell
Summary: This is a story about Trowa when he is about 10 years old. Kind of explains why he's always so quiet. (There is some death in this fic, which is why it's rated PG.)


Memories…

Rated PG for death.

Disclaimer and stuff: I don't own Gundam Wing. I don't own the Lisa Barton that Endless Waltz mentioned in one scene, but I do own my version of Lisa Barton, I guess. I also own Nick and Marie Barton. Thanks for giving me the idea for Marie's name, Aivi-chan. ^^ And I know that Trowa's real name isn't Trowa Barton, but this fic is already AU, anyway.

People may wonder sometimes why Trowa is so quiet, so this is my answer to that question.

__

Memories…

Memories of the past. Of old friends long gone. Of family lost, but never forgotten.

Memories of pain, suffering… images burned into his mind by the fire of war…

Memories he wished would remain forgotten nevertheless came pouring through, like a steady flood after a terrible storm…

"Lisa!" Catherine called. "Ohhh… where is she? Probably off being quiet somewhere with Trowa." Catherine stomped off through the circus camp to go find her father, Nick Barton, who was the head of their circus troupe.

In fact, Lisa and Trowa _were_ off playing somewhere, but they were hardly quiet. They were underneath a waterfall in a small clearing, laughing while they got soaked by the spray.

"Trowa, why didn't Cathy come with us?" Lisa asked, pushing back her long bangs. They were just like Trowa's except shorter, and her hair was cropped short in the back.

"Cathy didn't come with us because she's too loud, sis," Trowa responded.

"But we're being loud right now," Lisa pointed out, sounding perplexed.

"Yes, I know. But Cathy's loud is a different kind of loud. She's more obnoxious when she's loud."

"Oh," Lisa said, then shivered. "I'm cold, Trowa. Let's get out of the water now." She got out and clambered up onto a warm rock.

"Okay." Trowa waded out of the water and sat down on the rock next to his sister.

"Trowa?" Lisa asked softly.

"Hmm?"

"Do you ever miss Mommy?"

Trowa leaned back against the rock. "Sometimes… yes, I do, Lisa. I miss her a lot."

"Me too. I mean, I don't remember her at all, but I wish I had a Mommy. I see my friends and they all have Mommies to tuck them in, and read them stories, and buy them pretty dresses. But I don't. I have you and Cathy and Daddy, but I wish my Mommy was still here," Lisa said, lying down on Trowa's lap.

"I know exactly how you feel," Trowa said. "But let's be glad we _do_ have Catherine and Dad and everybody at the circus. Besides, Mom will always be watching us from heaven, right?"

"Yeah," Lisa murmured. "Sometimes I feel like talking to her in heaven. I think maybe she'd hear me. But then I think that my friends might make fun of me if they knew I talked to my Mommy in heaven."

Trowa pulled her off his lap and looked her in the eye. "Don't ever do something because your friends think it's cool. Don't ever stop doing something because your friends think it's stupid. They don't matter. What matters is what you think and what you want to do." Then he got quieter and put a mischievous grin on his face. "But you know what?"

"What?" Lisa asked, excited to know her brother's answer.

"I talk to Mommy all the time," Trowa said matter-of-factly.

"Really?" Lisa whispered.

"Yup."

"But how do you know that people don't see you talking to her?"

"Oh, that part's easy. I just don't open my mouth," Trowa explained. "If you just think what you want to say to her, God will tell her for you because he knows what you're thinking inside your head. He just says, 'Marie Barton, if you're in heaven right now, will you please come see me?' Just like the secretaries at school, only God is a whole lot nicer."

"Wow…" Lisa sat thinking about this for a few minutes. Then she started to become restless. "Let's go home," she said, pulling her brother off the rock.

Trowa glanced at his watch. "Okay. We have to go practice for our acts, anyway."

* * *

Two weeks later, Lisa and Trowa were coming back from the grocery store. Catherine had been with them, but she had stopped to talk to a friend and made them go home by themselves.

As they neared the circus camp, a column of smoke drifted up from the main tent. Trowa heard distant gunfire as two mobile suits lumbered towards the edge of the town they were camped on. 

As Trowa and Lisa kept walking forward, a Leo mobile suit appeared from behind the main tent and started shooting at the rest of the camp.

"Oh my God…" Trowa murmured.

"Daddy!" Lisa screamed. She pulled out of her brother's grasp and sprinted towards the destroyed campground.

"LISA!! NOOOOO!!!" Trowa cried, trying to reach out and grab her. He missed, and Lisa kept running, oblivious to her brother's warning. As she ran, the pilot of the mobile suit spotted her and let out a stream of bullets.

Trowa ducked to avoid the flying shrapnel, and when he looked back, his sister was lying still on the ground. He turned and ran, the tears streaming down his face, the branches of the trees cutting his bare arms and face.

He finally reached the other side of the woods, and saw Catherine walking towards him, shopping bags in hand. Trowa ran up to her and collapsed in her arms.

"What's wrong, little brother?" Catherine asked, confused.

"They're… they're dead. All dead. Lisa… Dad… They're gone, Catherine," Trowa sobbed.

"Come on, Trowa. We have to go back there and look for people." She took Trowa's trembling hand and led him back through the woods.

They reached the field and Trowa heard Catherine gasp. She stopped for a moment, then continued walking forward slowly.

"See, I told you they're all gone," Trowa whispered as he stared at the destruction around him. He shuddered as he walked past Lisa's bloodied body, and felt a wave of guilt wash over him.

"Lisa," Catherine whispered.

Trowa and Catherine carefully stepped through the camp, tip-toeing around the dead bodies and wreckage. Trowa saw his favorite lion, dead on the ground, and gently picked up a piece of the torn tent and placed it over the lion's body.

He had always been the one to tame the animals. Somehow they knew that he would never hurt them.

As they moved into the main show tent, where performers had been practicing only minutes before, Trowa heard a familiar voice.

"Trowa…" the voice whispered.

"DAD!" Trowa saw his father on the ground and ran up to him. Nick Barton was almost dead and had already lost too much blood through the bullet wound in his chest.

"Trowa…" Nick whispered. "Catherine… take care of each other… Remember, I'll – ahh... – I'll always love you…" With that, Nick Barton took his last breath.

"No…" Trowa sobbed. "No… it can't be true… I don't believe it! I don't!" He broke down crying next to his father's body, putting his head in his trembling hands.

Catherine stood behind him, forcing her emotions to stay inside. She carefully picked up a piece of the destroyed tent and placed it over her father's body. Then she gently took her brother's arm and pulled Trowa to his feet.

"Come on, Trowa."

Catherine and Trowa wandered around the camp, covering the bodies of their friends until the police showed up. Then they were sent to live with one of their father's friends until the funeral.

Trowa went to three funerals that week. One for his father and sister, one for the other circus performers, and one for the animals that had been some of his best friends.

He watched silently as his sister's casket was lowered in next to his father's, and a small tear trickled down his cheek. Then Trowa threw two red roses into the pit and turned back to stand with Catherine.

He stared at the cool gray gravestones, wondering how two people so young could die so soon.

Lisa Nicole Barton

April 11, AC 182 – June 4, AC 190

Nicholas Robert Barton

February 20, AC 152 – June 4, AC 190

Everyone turned and walked back to the church. 

Everyone except Trowa.

He didn't think he'd be able to deal with any more teary-eyed people telling him they were sorry. So he climbed a tree at the edge of the churchyard, staring out at the graveyard as the funeral march echoed through his mind.

_Why does my family have to keep leaving me like this?_

He started whispering to Lisa, brushing the tears off his cheeks with the back of his hand. "Lisa, I know you can hear me, because I told you two weeks ago that Mom could hear us in heaven, so that must mean you can hear me, too. Have fun in heaven. Get to know Mom. Maybe I can go on living without you guys, and I'll see you again when I'm old, okay?

"You know, Lisa, I was going to cut my hair, but I think I'll keep it like this. Then I'll have something to remember you by. Your hair looked so cute in the style mine is in. Well, keep practicing your circus acts without me. Maybe Mom will want to be a clown with you and you guys can keep the circus going in heaven. I know Mom throws knives like Catherine does, but maybe she'd like to try being a clown with you. Take care of my lion and all the other animals. I love you, Lisa. Tell Mom and Dad that I love them, too. I have to go now."

Trowa carefully climbed down the tree to go sit through the rest of the funeral.

After the funeral, Trowa walked over to stand next to his sister's grave.

"Now you don't have to miss Mommy, Lisa," he murmured. "But you have to miss me. Promise you'll miss me. And Cathy." He carefully laid a rose and a pair of white satin gloves on her grave. They had been the gloves she wore when doing her clown acts with him. "I love you, Lisa."

"Trowa!"

Trowa turned around to see Catherine walking toward him. "What?" he asked.

"I just thought you might like some company, that's all. I know you really loved Lisa," Catherine chattered as she looked at the gravestone.

"Catherine, be quiet," Trowa whispered.

Catherine didn't hear him and kept talking. "I'm going to miss her, too. And Dad. Why did Dad have to die?"

"Catherine, be quiet! You're too loud. I need some quiet right now. Please?" Trowa's eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

"Trowa… I'm just trying to be nice," Catherine murmured, offended.

"Well, right now I don't need kindness. I need silence," Trowa answered.

"Trowa, you're the only person I have left. Please just talk to me."

"I –" Trowa faltered. He then turned and ran, not able to bear being with anyone else. It seemed he was always running from one of his sisters to go find the help of the other.

As Trowa reached the nearby waterfall, a sudden memory of his younger sister pierced his mind. He sat down on the rocks and pulled his knees up to his chest.

"Lisa," he whispered. "It's so hard to believe. Just two weeks ago you and I were playing here under this same waterfall." His memory flashed back to the scene two weeks ago.

_They were underneath the waterfall, laughing while they got soaked by the spray._

"Trowa, why didn't Cathy come with us?" Lisa asked, pushing back her long bangs. 

"Cathy didn't come with us because she's too loud, sis," Trowa responded.

"But we're being loud right now," Lisa pointed out, sounding perplexed.

"Yes, I know. But Cathy's loud is a different kind of loud. She's more obnoxious when she's loud."

"Oh," Lisa said, then shivered. "I'm cold, Trowa."

I'm cold, Trowa… I'm cold, Trowa…

I'm cold…

Trowa grabbed his head as the memories started again. "Ahhh…" He sunk down to the floor of the trailer, shivering uncontrollably. Beads of sweat were forming on his head as tears tumbled down his death-white cheeks. "What's going on? Ahhh… WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!"

The cry for help echoed, unanswered, through the lonely mountains that had become Trowa's only refuge from the destruction and memories of the past. 

Outside, a bright-colored butterfly floated by and hovered by the window.

_Look at that butterfly, Trowa, _Lisa whispered from heaven. _That's how pretty I am now and it's because you were such a great big brother. I love you, Trowa, and I'll always be with you…_

Always be with you…

END

I hope you liked this. I've tried writing a death fic before, called "Heart of the Ocean" (which is here on fanfiction.net if you want to read it ^_^ ), but nobody really read it because it was in the original stories section. I hope that more people will review this story. So, please do. I worked really hard on this story and I want some feedback. Thanks! Ja ne! 


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